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: Well hello strangers
So I don't regularly write in my live journal anymore...its funny once you've been removed from the element that triggers emotional highs and lows like no other (ie: MEN) how unnconnected to emotions we can really be...no I am not living on an island of all women (although christ it feels that way sometimes..) I am simply living where I am not physically attracted to any I have met...or work with..or not enough to act on it anyway. I have trouble talking about these things to all of my friends out there in the real world, because from the outside, it looks like I am living it up in paradise on an island...which from one aspect I am..but it isn't without personal sacrifices. I have given up my independence and my personal life to be paid to live on an island and put my job and my passion for the environment first. You give some, you take some. So living on my isolated island, I have had a chance to do a lot of thinking, a lot of reading, and on occasion the instant messanger communication with all those in the real world. Recently, I've been plagued with the same two questions "what are you doing this summer..where will you be" "what about after the summer what are you doing". The redundancy of these two questions have caused a whirlwind of memories to surface. As to the question "what are you doing this summer"- Once again, for reasons beyond my control, I am returning to LBI...my real island..my real home. I think at one point, we all try to get away, try to write off what happens during those summers as childhood memories. Try to cut those ties, but its undeniable, maybe you can't fully write off something if theres a stronger force pulling you back, or maybe I'm just not quite ready to accept the full responsibilities that come with being an 'adult' if you will. Life on that island is a funny thing. To outsiders, there is no way to put into words things that happen and the bonds that our circle of friends have. as an insider it is something that on the coldest, dreariest, worst day of winter, you can think of that one night, and a shit eating grin will be impossible to wipe off your face for hours, maybe days. As far as what I'm doing next fall... A year ago, the plans were work out here for one or two seasons, then get serious again, go to grad school, maybe apply for a more serious long term job. But the truth is, whatever rut I am in mentally as I sit here on the verge of 23, I've grown out of feeling trapped and restless as sometimes I would feel in the beggining of living almost 30 miles at sea, to feeling a comfort and safety zone of knowing my biggest care in the world is if I put on enough sunscreen to avoid the risk of skin cancer. However, I know this is not something permenant. I'm not looking for it to be- I love Catalina, but not enough to want me to stay for the summer, or to ever imagine setteling here. I am looking for something great, as I think most of us are, not necessarily to be something great (although along the way that would be nice) but to find something, or someone great, that will force me to want to settle down somewhere. Somewhere, something, or someone that allows me to lay that island lifestyle to rest, to make it a memory that can make me smile but not cause me to go back for more. I've got engaged and married friends who are planning on setteling and I feel like my traveling has just began.
So, that in truth, is the unabridged answer to those two questions that seem to be the topic of conversation. In full, no excuses. It's where I'm at right now, and unfortunately, theres the bb4l (my island girls) that are the only ones that can fully understand that. Luckily, we're all in the same place with mutual feelings.......all I can say is summer 2k7...bring it on.
So I don't regularly write in my live journal anymore...its funny once you've been removed from the element that triggers emotional highs and lows like no other (ie: MEN) how unnconnected to emotions we can really be...no I am not living on an island of all women (although christ it feels that way sometimes..) I am simply living where I am not physically attracted to any I have met...or work with..or not enough to act on it anyway. I have trouble talking about these things to all of my friends out there in the real world, because from the outside, it looks like I am living it up in paradise on an island...which from one aspect I am..but it isn't without personal sacrifices. I have given up my independence and my personal life to be paid to live on an island and put my job and my passion for the environment first. You give some, you take some. So living on my isolated island, I have had a chance to do a lot of thinking, a lot of reading, and on occasion the instant messanger communication with all those in the real world. Recently, I've been plagued with the same two questions "what are you doing this summer..where will you be" "what about after the summer what are you doing". The redundancy of these two questions have caused a whirlwind of memories to surface. As to the question "what are you doing this summer"- Once again, for reasons beyond my control, I am returning to LBI...my real island..my real home. I think at one point, we all try to get away, try to write off what happens during those summers as childhood memories. Try to cut those ties, but its undeniable, maybe you can't fully write off something if theres a stronger force pulling you back, or maybe I'm just not quite ready to accept the full responsibilities that come with being an 'adult' if you will. Life on that island is a funny thing. To outsiders, there is no way to put into words things that happen and the bonds that our circle of friends have. as an insider it is something that on the coldest, dreariest, worst day of winter, you can think of that one night, and a shit eating grin will be impossible to wipe off your face for hours, maybe days. As far as what I'm doing next fall... A year ago, the plans were work out here for one or two seasons, then get serious again, go to grad school, maybe apply for a more serious long term job. But the truth is, whatever rut I am in mentally as I sit here on the verge of 23, I've grown out of feeling trapped and restless as sometimes I would feel in the beggining of living almost 30 miles at sea, to feeling a comfort and safety zone of knowing my biggest care in the world is if I put on enough sunscreen to avoid the risk of skin cancer. However, I know this is not something permenant. I'm not looking for it to be- I love Catalina, but not enough to want me to stay for the summer, or to ever imagine setteling here. I am looking for something great, as I think most of us are, not necessarily to be something great (although along the way that would be nice) but to find something, or someone great, that will force me to want to settle down somewhere. Somewhere, something, or someone that allows me to lay that island lifestyle to rest, to make it a memory that can make me smile but not cause me to go back for more. I've got engaged and married friends who are planning on setteling and I feel like my traveling has just began.
So, that in truth, is the unabridged answer to those two questions that seem to be the topic of conversation. In full, no excuses. It's where I'm at right now, and unfortunately, theres the bb4l (my island girls) that are the only ones that can fully understand that. Luckily, we're all in the same place with mutual feelings.......all I can say is summer 2k7...bring it on.
