urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush Kelly Kelly 2007-02-22T19:17:58Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:77643 2007-02-22T19:17:58Z 2007-02-22T19:17:58Z So I don't regularly write in my live journal anymore...its funny once you've been removed from the element that triggers emotional highs and lows like no other (ie: MEN) how unnconnected to emotions we can really be...no I am not living on an island of all women (although christ it feels that way sometimes..) I am simply living where I am not physically attracted to any I have met...or work with..or not enough to act on it anyway. I have trouble talking about these things to all of my friends out there in the real world, because from the outside, it looks like I am living it up in paradise on an island...which from one aspect I am..but it isn't without personal sacrifices. I have given up my independence and my personal life to be paid to live on an island and put my job and my passion for the environment first. You give some, you take some. So living on my isolated island, I have had a chance to do a lot of thinking, a lot of reading, and on occasion the instant messanger communication with all those in the real world. Recently, I've been plagued with the same two questions "what are you doing this summer..where will you be" "what about after the summer what are you doing". The redundancy of these two questions have caused a whirlwind of memories to surface. As to the question "what are you doing this summer"- Once again, for reasons beyond my control, I am returning to LBI...my real island..my real home. I think at one point, we all try to get away, try to write off what happens during those summers as childhood memories. Try to cut those ties, but its undeniable, maybe you can't fully write off something if theres a stronger force pulling you back, or maybe I'm just not quite ready to accept the full responsibilities that come with being an 'adult' if you will. Life on that island is a funny thing. To outsiders, there is no way to put into words things that happen and the bonds that our circle of friends have. as an insider it is something that on the coldest, dreariest, worst day of winter, you can think of that one night, and a shit eating grin will be impossible to wipe off your face for hours, maybe days. As far as what I'm doing next fall... A year ago, the plans were work out here for one or two seasons, then get serious again, go to grad school, maybe apply for a more serious long term job. But the truth is, whatever rut I am in mentally as I sit here on the verge of 23, I've grown out of feeling trapped and restless as sometimes I would feel in the beggining of living almost 30 miles at sea, to feeling a comfort and safety zone of knowing my biggest care in the world is if I put on enough sunscreen to avoid the risk of skin cancer. However, I know this is not something permenant. I'm not looking for it to be- I love Catalina, but not enough to want me to stay for the summer, or to ever imagine setteling here. I am looking for something great, as I think most of us are, not necessarily to be something great (although along the way that would be nice) but to find something, or someone great, that will force me to want to settle down somewhere. Somewhere, something, or someone that allows me to lay that island lifestyle to rest, to make it a memory that can make me smile but not cause me to go back for more. I've got engaged and married friends who are planning on setteling and I feel like my traveling has just began. <br /><br />So, that in truth, is the unabridged answer to those two questions that seem to be the topic of conversation. In full, no excuses. It's where I'm at right now, and unfortunately, theres the bb4l (my island girls) that are the only ones that can fully understand that. Luckily, we're all in the same place with mutual feelings.......all I can say is summer 2k7...bring it on. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:77264 2006-11-27T02:26:27Z 2006-11-27T02:26:27Z Sunday, November 26, 2006<br />Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20) <br />Vaguely familiar issues from your past are back for another round of acknowledgment. This may not be easy, for you probably don't want to talk about your feelings now. Actually, you don't need to say anything at all. This is about facing your own shortcomings, examining your own fears, and learning from your past mistakes.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />hot damn right on the nose! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:76925 2006-11-26T21:17:24Z 2006-11-26T21:17:24Z and just like that it clicked...i think im really meant to end up permanantly in southern california. reasons for this: 1) leaving Catalina for the season break- i was less then excited- even to see my really close friends-which im ALWAYS super excited to see friends no matter where im coming from. 2) I've been home in NJ a week- at LBI the whole time- and my ties to this place are lessening, as when i was running on the beach this morning it didnt feel right- not like it feels when im running on the beach in california 3) im leaving tommorow for south carolina and i should be peeing my pants with excitement to see my college friends, but instead i wish i was leaving to head back to cali. <br /><br />its also a weird feeling, that because im not in a permanant place in cali right now as i was thinking about all this i realized, im a true nomad at the time being. no real ties except for work and family and friends. no place where i call 'home' so to speak. and i really like this lifestyle. noone to hold you down...if you get bored, up and go somewhere else.<br /><br />With that being said, san diego is looking like my next move. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:76677 2006-11-07T19:36:44Z 2006-11-07T19:36:44Z i was watching uptown girls the other day, and this song came on in it, so i looked up the lyrics and talk about feeling like a soundtrack to your life at the moment!<br /><br />It's a charmed life<br />Innocence wild<br />Crayola skies for a thousand miles<br />It's a good life in the happily ever after<br />Last page of a very last chapter<br />It's the story of a charmed life<br /><br />It's a charmed life <br />Unexplainable grace<br />Stumbling, you fall right into place<br />It's a childlike world and you can feel the magic<br />Far from the typically tragic<br />That's the beauty of a charmed life<br /><br />Who needs to know<br />When it all comes and when it all goes<br />Who needs to know just when<br />Fate will take you there<br /><br />It's a charmed life <br />Innocence wild<br />Crayola skies for a thousand miles<br />It's a good life in the happily ever after<br />Last page of a very last chapter<br />It's the story of a charmed life<br /><br />Na na na...<br />Na na na...<br /><br />Who needs to know <br />When it all comes and when it all goes<br />Who needs to know just when<br />I know you'll be there (I know you'll be there)<br /><br />It's a charmed life<br />Innoncence wild<br />Crayola Skies for a thousand miles<br />It's a good life in the happily ever after<br />Last page of a very last chapter<br />It's the story of a charmed life urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:76390 2006-10-02T17:32:57Z 2006-10-02T17:32:57Z im in love with west coast living.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos-738.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v47/73/42/42700071/"></a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:76255 2006-08-22T15:15:59Z 2006-08-22T15:15:59Z well this is it.....day 3 of living in cali- and its beeautiful urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:76019 2006-08-19T01:00:09Z 2006-08-19T01:00:09Z Every summer theres usually one song that can ideally sum up the events. This year's pick: Warmth of the Sand- Dashboard Confessional<br /><br />"Warmth Of The Sand"<br /><br />Relax and stand in the warmth of the sand <br />the day is long <br />and here for us to take for granted. <br />We find ourselves to our knees <br />Water clear, a tender breeze upon our faces <br />as we bask in our good graces <br />Yeah, we all are golden here. <br /><br />And summer, and summer, <br />where night belongs to lust and lovers. <br />And summer, and summer, <br />and I am here to win you over. <br />You will be mine this year. (this year that's right this is the one this year, this year)<br /><br />The sun is set and the moon is high, <br />The night is long and here for you and I to capture (it's for us) <br />And flood ourselves to the gills with icey drinks <br />With bolstering wills and we are braver for the moment <br />Yeah, we all are golden here <br /><br />And summer, and summer, <br />where all the girls bare olive shoulders, <br />and summer, and summer, <br />and I am here to win you over. <br />You will be mine this year. (this year)<br /><br />The courtyard where the garden stands, <br />Behind the beach, in crystal and sands, we shed our clothes, <br />And felt romantic, tinted by the moon fantastic. <br />Bright and warm, and hours alone absolve us of the sins we own. <br />And from one year into another I think of you when I feel summer. <br /><br />And summer, and summer, where all the girls bear olive shoulders <br />And summer, and summer, where all you hope for is another <br />And summer, and summer, where night belongs to lust and lovers <br />And summer, and summer, and I am here to win you over <br />You will be mine this year. (This year) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:75718 2006-08-19T00:57:24Z 2006-08-19T00:57:24Z t-35 hours and im on my way to west coast living. im about to poop my pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <br /><br /><br />summer 06- def epic. words cant explain...but will always put a smile on my face with its memories....ecspecially that english boy..:) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:75416 2006-07-25T00:50:14Z 2006-07-25T00:50:14Z Ok so to those (which anyone who reads this i think is all of you) that are outside the lifeguard competition world- i apologize for this.....<br /><br />So for the past seven years i have competed as a brant beach lifeguard. The past 4 years in the big lbtbp tournament i have been in the paddle relay for brant beach......medalled the last 3, with the summer of 2005 earning a gold medal. This summer, in the 1/2 mile paddle race, which all the lbtbp girls competed in (50) i came in 4th over all. the difference between 3rd place and myself was a wave. So it came time for our captain to make the paddle relay team. This bright guy decided to hold a paddle off (which is when girls paddle against EACH OTHER) in 4-6 ft wind swell- which i have no problem with. but, he races each girl individually against a stopwatch. you cannot accurately time someones paddle in an ocean unless you time them in the same set aka race them against each other. and to make matters worse, with wind swell the sets are timed, they just pump sporadically. so 4 of us were paddeling off. there were 2 spots. i get the 2nd best time the first time around. the girl that got the best time doesnt go again. then the 2nd time around one other girl beats me and i end up with the worst time out of all them- i also got stuck on the inside on my way out in a 6 ft set. keep in mind all these girls that beat me in this so called paddle off are girls i smoked when we all raced against each other. <br /><br />so i asked the cpt today- have u thought of the roster yet. and hes like well originally it was gona be brit jill and colleen. i said i dont mean to be annoying, but you cant judge results based on that have u taken into consideration that i smoked them in the 1/2 mile and that i won a gold medal last year? and i also added you cant accurately judge whose the faster paddler when you dont race them in identical conditions...and this capt does not know how to deal with confrontation so he retorts with well they were completely different boards and you guys chose when you could go out. THIS KID IS A FUCKING MORON. the board doesnt make the paddler. this i learned. you take a good paddler and put them on cardboard and theyll paddle faster. not to mention i was selected to compete in 2 outside tournaments for what.....PADDELING. and these girls werent. so after our officers meeting tonight i go up to meg who is a capt in the north end and coming to the all womens tourny on weds. and she was telling me to pick which board i wanted to race on tommorow etc etc. and made a comment how im prob gona do well blahblahblah. so i was like funny how im not even gona be racing in mayors cup in my own event. and she was like WHAT. so i told her the situation. and this girl is the #1 paddler on the island- pretty much taught me what i know. so she says that is absolutely ridiculous and bullshit. and shes like i have a solution jump ship and compete for me. so im competeing for loveladies/north beach in mayors cup now, on a paddle relay team that is going to SMOKE everyone. and a gold medal around my neck will never have felt so sweet i can tell you this much. <br /><br />but in the meantime heavy week with races<br /><br />tommorow- 1000m swim<br />weds- national all womens lifeguard tournament at sandy hook- doing hte run swim run and the run paddle run<br />thurs- swim <br />sat/sun- mayors cup<br /><br /><br />.......wish me luck! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:75118 2006-07-24T21:31:31Z 2006-07-24T21:31:31Z california is rapidly approaching urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:74794 2006-06-25T12:38:02Z 2006-06-25T12:38:02Z atleast the sex wasnt that great and he wasnt a great kisser so i got those pluses working for me....i was just stupid to put myself out there to begin with....duuuuuuuuh urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:74515 2006-06-25T12:35:13Z 2006-06-25T12:35:13Z 1) i hate myself for putting myself in stupid situations<br /><br />2) i was reminded/reassured not to care about anything last night<br /><br />3) i probably should have taken the cali job starting in june instead of august.....less then 2 months....i need a breath of fresh men haha. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:74323 2006-06-24T17:07:49Z 2006-06-24T17:07:49Z as long as i keep reminding myself its nothing serious.......everything should pan out just fine. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:74212 2006-06-12T00:48:58Z 2006-06-12T00:48:58Z August 20, 2006-<br /><br />Depart Philadelphia Int'l Airport 6:45 AM <br />Arrive Los Angeles Int'l Airport ~11:00 AM<br />Catch Shuttle to the Port of Long Beach<br />Board Catalina Express Ferry Service ~1:30 PM<br />Arrive at Catalina Island ~3:15 PM<br />Move into my new place and work orientation at 5 PM that night<br /><br />........this date is skyrocketing towards me and i cant wait urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:73748 2006-05-18T06:03:26Z 2006-05-18T06:03:26Z I mean, seriously. Don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. = Grey's Anatomy<br /><br /><br />i leave myrtle beach for good in about 28 hours. in 2 short years i have made amazing friends who will be by my side for a lifetime. i love the area and love the people so why arent i staying here? i have seemed to develop this complex of staying settled in one place for too long. i get restless and feel like theres so much more to see and experience..so whats the next logical thing? pack up and move 3500 miles from everything and everyone i know. I have a complex with setteling down- which is why I think it is safe to say i have no been in a super serious relationship and the times it has come close to that i have turned and run the other way- because its not that im afraid of commitment, im afraid of permenance. I hope this is just a phase. Because by the time im 25 im hoping to have found a place to wind up in- and in my gut i have a feeling that place is going to be South Carolina- shining faces, beautiful places. <br /><br />i cant believe my time in MB is done, it doesnt seem real. it doesnt seem i graduated almost 3 weeks ago. if anything, the month of may has been surreal. <br /><br />I could sit here and list memories from the past 2 years- but they all hold such a fond place in my mind and heart that they are better off staying there.<br /><br />CCU 06'- we lived where you vacation urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:73482 2006-05-14T16:33:37Z 2006-05-14T16:33:37Z booked a plane ticket ONE WAY to LAX on August 20th...woooo! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:73320 2006-03-27T19:16:47Z 2006-03-27T19:16:47Z in 4 monthes and 18 days i will be a resident of the state of california... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:73027 2006-02-22T01:11:01Z 2006-02-22T01:11:01Z <a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/4115/catalinaaerial5uv.jpg" border="0" width="360" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br />thats an aerial view of the island, which was actually created due to two oceanic plates converging.<br /><br /><a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img487.imageshack.us/img487/474/catalinaavalon2bl.jpg" border="0" width="800" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br />thats downtown in avalon...looking into the interior of the island<br /><br /><a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img238.imageshack.us/img238/104/catalinadowntonw4yb.jpg" border="0" width="800" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br />another shot of downtown avalon<br /><br /><a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img238.imageshack.us/img238/2995/catalinaharbor3dr.jpg" border="0" width="600" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br />one of the harbors...BLUE WATER!!<br /><br /><a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/4455/catalinaislandbison7fn.jpg" border="0" width="280" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br />wild bison roam all over...and apparently run through the marine institute <br /><br /><a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/6764/catalinapier4oy.jpg" border="0" width="768" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a><br /><br />on last shot...the pier where boat trips unload urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:72776 2006-02-20T23:04:23Z 2006-02-20T23:04:23Z every time i try to get work done, i think to myself, oh my god, im moving to california. and exactly 6 monthes from today i will officially be a resident on catalina island! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:72604 2006-02-20T04:41:17Z 2006-02-20T04:41:17Z as of august 20th, i will be living and working on Catalina Island, California...<br /><br /><br />I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:72282 2006-01-31T12:00:13Z 2006-01-31T12:00:13Z i had a job interview for a posistion in catalina island, cali......and can we just say i think i have it in the bag? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:72096 2006-01-04T20:37:40Z 2006-01-04T20:37:40Z aside of beer...this is more for personal reference<br /><br />Grateful Dead recipe<br /><br />1 part tequila<br />1 part vodka<br />1 part light rum<br />1 part gin<br />1 part Chambord® raspberry liqueur<br /><br /><br />Shake ingredients, pour over ice in a collins glass, and serve.<br /><br /><br />35% (70 proof)<br />Serve in: Collins Glass<br /><br />------------------------<br />Surfer on Acid<br /><br /><br />1 oz Chambord® raspberry liqueur<br />1 oz Malibu® coconut rum<br />1/2 - 1/3 oz Jagermeister® herbal liqueur<br />2 oz pineapple juice<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Mix all ingredients together in a cocktail shaker filled with ice cubes. Shake vigorously. Pour over ice cubes into an old-fashioned glass. It will be a bit frothy on top. Garnish with a cherry and lime wheel, and serve. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:71791 2005-12-22T21:15:58Z 2005-12-22T21:15:58Z Jan<br /><br />Dec 29 was aweeeeeeeeesome. <br /><br />Feb<br /><br />So 1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me<br />Because you look so fine<br />And i really wanna make you mine"<br /><br />You impressed almost everyone in 2004 - and surprised yourself.<br /><br /><br />March<br /><br />leaving for cali at 530 am.<br /><br />maybe i wont be back.<br /><br />the end. <br /><br />April<br /><br />When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk!<br />You'll take any shot that's offered up to you...<br />Even if it tastes like sock sweat!<br />And you're never afraid of eating the worm.<br /><br />May<br /><br />its funny how a simple compliment from a guy you arent even sexually attracted to can change your mood ridiculously. thank you. <br /><br />June<br /><br />brett u will be mine, oh yes u will be mine<br /><br /><br />July<br /><br />none<br /><br />August<br /><br />this summer was one that i cant even begin to write down in here...just because there is no grasp on the people and things that go on to anyone that doesnt live on this island.<br /><br />Sept<br /><br />Global warming is an issue that the world has been dealing with since the first anthropogenic influences that occurred with the industrial revolution of the 1860s. <br /><br />Oct<br /><br />12 days til im back to california. it needs to be here now. did i mention i found my dream job out there too? <br /><br /><br />Nov<br /><br />My life is highly entertaining right now.<br /><br />Dec<br /><br />well i decided yesterday im goin to orlando from dec 10-16 ITS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE 70S thank god. dont worry ill be back in jersey the 17th. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:71529 2005-12-18T22:31:45Z 2005-12-18T22:31:45Z ps i got a 4.0 this semester woo urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:crushandlush:71387 2005-12-18T22:30:47Z 2005-12-18T22:30:47Z so i have been in NJ for 22.5 hours and i am ready to get the hell out. it is only good in the summer at lbi. this might be the exact motivation i need to pick a place and decide to move there come may.